You Only Live Twice (1967)

has a martini and a Bond movie and everything is pretty much spiffing.

Q is the fucking man. He has shorts up to his armpits and has brought sarcasm and four suitcases full of plane.
Despite the heat Q has his thick wool socks pulled all the way up to his knees because he is BRITISH damnit and we have STANDARDS.
DUDE it’s Burt Kwouk. He has one whole line.

Donald Pleasance is so evil he uses no intonations whatsoever.

Another martini Mr Bond oh well if the security of Her Majesty’s nation is at stake fair enough

Possibly the greatest lines in cinematic history:
“We have to get down to those volcanoes…do you have any commandos here?”
“I have much, much better. NINJAS!”
“This is my ninja training school…the art of concealment and surprise, Bond-san!”
<everybody throws everybody around and punches each other in the face>

Oh God then the world’s most offensive “Japanese” makeover happened…
This assassin literally nicked his assassinating technique from a Glayva advert. That is cheating.
Is it just me or is Sean Connory’s seductive face basically a combination of “I have just secretly farted” and “I am totally going to stab you given half the chance”? Guess I’m not really the target audience…

Hahaha everyone has tiny zooming monorail things. Super dignified, guys.

It’s a good thing Sean Connery fits perfectly into his stolen spacesuit despite being a head taller than anyone else in this film.
Worst. Ninjas. Ever.
Blofeld: “We are now impregnable.”
<700 ninjas and a small Japanese lady in a bikini abseil into the base>
James Bond’s OKCupid profile features “Nobbing in life rafts” under both “I’m really good at…” and “On a typical Friday night I am…”
…also the rest of this image. Which is a dick pic. You’re welcome.

Bonding Complete

If you’ve enjoyed this, um…bless you? I have slightly more practical writing over at my maker blog My 10,000 Hours, and you can also check out my webshop Uncommon Works where I sell things I make including beeswax candles and tealights, gift boxes, laser cut rubber stamps and printed designs. Cheers for dropping in!

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