Well the cocktails are tasty and the movie is silly but I am cream crackered and have to work tomorrow, so I shall leave the rest of Diamonds Are Forever for next time. Consider yourselves to have gotten off lightly. Sleep well <3 xx
Goes beyond the limits of “kipper tie”, might actually be a “plaice tie”. #jokesforfishnerds Sidenote: The 70s must have been much like living inside a bar of Galaxy dark chocolate :/SPECTRE training includes advanced courses in “Remaining sensuously seductive while a giant albino Tribble is devouring you from the feet up.” Blofeld projects an almost Arnold-Rimmer-esque level of constipated smugness. It’s a face that says “I control the criminal underworld, and I haven’t pooped since 1967” Oh gods, the Rimmer/Blofeld connection is starting to seem worryingly plausible… “Let me assure you Mr Bond, when I do finally poop they will find bits of my executive washroom in the furthest reaches of the Amazon rainforest.” (Fun fact: I have a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology and Art History. Money well spent, I think you’ll agree.) Hahahaha. Hahahahahaha. Haha. No. In a confusing mess of a movie, it is nice to know that some things never change. Like Q wearing his waistband somewhere around his armpits. “Well hi there. I was just relaxing on this giant orange foam sculpture of the Elephant Man’s forehead.”
Bond comes under attack from Blofeld’s elite Modern Dance Attack Squad “An electromagnetic RPM controller. Been ACHING to try it out!” Q is the perfect example of how single-sex education has produced many of our finest deranged geniuses. There is literally nothing I can add to this image. I’m just going to let you enjoy it. Please tell me they at least wash the handset afterwards O_o “The great powers flexing their military muscle like so many impotent beach boys.” That imagery seems oddly specific, Mr Blofeld…“Oh Christ Tiffany, next door’s Pomeranian has crapped on the veranda again.” “But if we destroy Kansas, the world may not hear about it for years! Hahahah.” “What? That line had them rolling in the aisles in Omaha!
I have nothing tasteful to add to these images. “FFS Le Chiffre, if you don’t stop feeding their Lancer it’ll be rax in five minutes!”
…and after a brief outbreak of sanity we end on flaming-kebab-death, exploding meringue, Bond being strangled with a giant Flavour Flav medallion and picking a man up by his testicles. Thank you, Diamonds are Forever.
If you’ve enjoyed this, um…bless you? I have slightly more practical writing over at my maker blog My 10,000 Hours, and you can also check out my webshop Uncommon Works where I sell things I make including beeswax candles and tealights, gift boxes, laser cut rubber stamps and printed designs. Cheers for dropping in!